A Remake for Bird Brains

By Katey Rich

Is there ever anyone who thinks up the idea of a remake, particularly a remake of a bona fide classic, and says "This can't go wrong!" Do the producers in Hollywood honestly tell themselves "Yes, I know the original is universally beloved, but I can't imagine anyone will complain about a remake!"

Clearly, yes. The latest classic on its way to the remake block is The Birds, the grande dame of "When Animals Attack" horror films, directed by Alfred Hitchcock in 1963. Tippi Hedren starred as a wealthy San Francisco heiress who travels to a tiny West Coast hamlet for trivial reasons, but gets caught up in an enormous, vicious invasion from--dum dum dum!-- the birds.

The idea of a Birds remake has been floating around for a while, but  yesterday The Hollywood Reporter announced that Martin Campbell would be joining the Universal project as a director. Campbell's latest projects include The Legend of Zorro and the critically praised Casino Royale, which was credited for jump-starting the venerable Bond franchise. Naomi Watts has been attached to star for a while now.

For I think the first time in my life, Tippi Hedren has said it for me. MTV interviewed her at some point about the upcoming project, and her video response sums it all up.

"Must you be so insecure [that] you have to take a film that's become a classic and a great success and then try to do it over? They tried to make �Psycho" over and it didn't work."

Here's the thing about Hitchcock that Ms. Hedren didn't say, but probably was thinking. His films were so much less about the story than what he does with it. He's the man who invented the McGuffin--the meaningless item at the center of the story that nonetheless sets the whole thing in motion-- think North by Northwest's microfilm or Psycho's suitcase full of money. The Birds, boiled down its plot description, is pure exploitation horror. It's what Hitchcock crafted these films into that made them great, whether it was the simple direction of Cary Grant or Anthony Perkins or the brilliant, ahead-of-its time sound design in Birds. Hitchcock remakes fail because, without the man himself, the material you're working with is barely existent.

I would say we can at least hope that this film will be above the torture porn aesthetic of late, but given that scene in Casino Royale in which Mr. Bond is flagellated with a rope, I make no promises.